a junkie without an addiction

2007-09-30T10:29:00.000-07:00

i really need to settle down soon.

i'm getting way too old to have fun now.

and plus, it ain't getting any fun lately.

oktoberfest here i come!

2007-09-28T10:33:00.000-07:00

had a good drinking session with the usual peeps: bryan and siva, and liying tagged along today with her boy.

basically, our conversations were based on racist indian jokes, embarrassing moments in life (90% of it was mine.. ok fine ALL of them were mine..), and of course.. women.

i've been kinda denying it for a long time, but i'm seriously still not completely over cynthia. i mean, i've been having a few flings here and there, but they haven't really been.. my type.

not to be rude, but it feels like i've been using this excuse, being with flings, to just forget about her? i really ain't sure. thoughts of her will still linger in my head now and again.

but.. i can't do anything about it now, due to some 'complications'. just wait, i guess.. just wait.

2007-09-22T08:57:00.000-07:00

random thoughts:

- i'll never drink two nights in a row. it's very intoxicating.

- i have a brand new everlast watch!

- i'll never return to that crappy japanese 'restaurant' at citylink. what kind of restaurant serves food WITHOUT chopsticks?! i had to ask the bitch to get them..

- i realised i like to drink, as in generally.

- i was feeling very happy today for no apparent reason. trust me, it's a bad sign.

- i still miss the kampong.

2007-09-18T04:42:00.000-07:00

i'm back from cambodia!

and i'm NOT gonna give any details.. how the hell am i supposed to type out two weeks of activities in one short post?! FORGET IT!

i will though, just type out a brief summary. :)

taught the kids there, stayed in a kampong, made cement out of stones, sand, cement and lake water, made a friend or two, met a girl.. hahaha.

well it's too early to say much about that last one. heck i've only known her well for the duration of the trip!

hahahaha.

and i just realised my last post was very angry and depressing.

today's like the umph-teenth day of fasting. i uh.. lost track already.

:D

2007-08-23T08:51:00.000-07:00

two injections in two minutes. OUCH!

well it didnt really hurt that badly. kinda like red ant bites. and i'm only feeling the after effects NOW(10 hrs later).

something very peculiar was told to me today.

and so, amin tells me 'eh 'din, you know yesterday(or i cant remember which day he mentioned) clare came in and said 'why adin never msg me anymore'.

and i'm there sitting on the sofa 'what the hell.. NOW she notices??'

but in all honesty, it's very misleading. ok, say one day during study and/or exam period, i decide to chat with clare on msn. i say 'hey!' as usual, and no reply comes out. so i thought, nevermind.. maybe she's studying.

the next few following days, i kinda hardly chat with her. for one reason why is that i don't really bother with people who don't have the decency to at least reply. or even if you're busy, just tell me you're busy. it'll only take up 1minute of your time.

back to the story. so i barely chat, or talk to her for the past few weeks. then suddenly she exclaims to amin about why i don't msg her no more.

COME ON. i'm not the type of guy who keeps pestering a person to reply me asap. i leave people to their own personal space. and when she said that to amin, i kinda got abit mad.

i mean, it's the exam period. if you don't reply me or something, i'm having the mentality that you're studying or something. so i won't bother you. in the case of sms-ing her, it's the same thing. i'll give a person space and time to study for their exams, cause i know not everyone's like me and slacks as he/she studies.

so really, if you're reading this clare, i'm just typing what i feel is the current scenario now. the reason why i don't msg you no more is that it's the exam period, and i'll let you be, cause i know you're the studious type. so yea, it kinda seems like i'm the bad one in this scenario, which i'm not. and i have every reason NOT to be associated with you at this period of my life.

i don't know.. i'm a very confusing person. i don't know what got into me, don't know why i fell for you. if it's just another one of my infatuations.. i don't really know. but at the rate this is going.. ok forget it.

too much has been said here. i'd better just leave it as it is.

:)

2007-08-20T20:46:00.000-07:00

EXAMS ARE FRIGGIN OVER BABY!!!!

first thing i've did as part of my newly-gained freedom: go home! hahahahaha.

well judging by the fact that everyone else still has papers, or still have school, that's basically the only thing i can do now.

since i won't be around for about 2 weeks, i'm just gonna have a brief timeline on what i'm about to do.

23rd - *gulp* medical checkup for cambodia trip. i hate injections.. :/
27th - a full day back in school to learn the cambodian language. among a few other things.
28th-30th - first aid course. WHAT DO I NEED A FIRST AID COURSE FOR!!

2nd september - BON VOYAGE! i will so NOT miss anyone.

:)

2007-08-19T02:57:00.000-07:00

i am NOT ever gonna go to sch on a sunday ever again.
it's very degrading.

imagine a place, with only a number of people enough to form 2 soccer teams. all the shops closed, and only you in a room studying. peace and quiet, i know.. but.. awfully TOO quiet for my liking.

sometimes i come to wonder.. do i have the gift of foresight? it's a longshot, but it seems so.

every once in awhile, i dream of something. it feels real, like any other dream. but it's a realistic dream, like it could and/or would happen, not like those nonchalant dreams of monkeys in suits serving you coctail, no.

then maybe in a few days, or weeks later, when you're out in the real world, it actually happens, and you have a sudden sense of deja-vu. it's very creepy sometimes, 'cause how in the world would you dream of something that might happen in the future, and yet it really happens?

but oh well.. i ain't like isaac mendez or something. my so-called 'foresights' are very normal things, like eating some food, or out with someone. very peculiar, indeed..

i've been sober for half a year and it sucks.

2007-08-17T19:59:00.000-07:00

shit my last post was on 1st of august.. damn i'm real slow. hahaha.

well i'm pretty banged-up today from yesterday's training. first one after 3 weeks and i was pretty out of the fitness game.

first i slid, got my foot exposed to a nice set of bladed studs, which hurt like shit but i decided to walk it off. BAD MOVE.

it got worse, then i forgot to lock my ankle and i slipped, with my entire weight on my ankle. OUCH.

but surprisingly that one was easier to walk off. hahaha. :P

then, 2nd half, i got my toe exposed to another set of studs, and the after effects of not training for 3 weeks came in.. i pulled a muscle on my right groin. so basically my entire right leg was gone!

struggled back home, lay down and had one of the not so bad, but restless nights.
i had all the intentions to run today but the weather hates me today. haha.

:D

2007-08-01T04:30:00.001-07:00

chances of me going to cambodia are VERY VERY slim all of a sudden.
oh well.

she wanted a lift home today.
kinda weird for her to be asking me this, since i've been trying to avoid her for a full.. day and a half.

i wanna forget about her, forget about trying to go for her.
but time and time again she'll pop up in my mind.
and it's not gonna get any better if she continues this charade..

confusion, version 2.

2007-07-30T03:00:00.000-07:00

holy crap this is like the earliest i've been home after school in awhile.

some sense has been talked into me, so i'm feeling a tad better, for now.

cliche, but i've been feeling very empty for awhile.. maybe the cambodia trip might do me some good. i need a good refresh from this life of mine.

2007-07-28T22:49:00.000-07:00

i've been very negative towards almost everything lately.

negative towards people.
negative towards myself.
negative towards almost everything, basically.

it's almost as if god hates me.
nothing goes my way.
be it with normal everyday things, friendship, companionship, even family.
they all never go my way.

i know, suck it up and roll with it.
how about you try dealing with it almost all your life.

why does god curse me so?
why in the world does he put me on this god-forsaken land, just for me to suffer so much.
i'm almost on the verge of breaking down so badly that no one can possibly save me.

i seriously need a big time out.

2007-07-27T06:35:00.000-07:00

sp tunes was a total flop.

not only were most of the songs chinese, they were sub-standard.

i basically made myself enjoy it by making fun of the singers.

and then there was the star, BAH!

to me he should've won.

the judges were crap.

bah had his own written song, played acoustic guitar, sang with so much passion, yet he only got runner up.

and the winner was some piece of crap singer who couldn't even sing at a funeral!

2007-07-25T06:45:00.001-07:00

i probably shouldn't have gone to school today, but i did.

picked zhiqi up from her place, sent her to lessons. had a nice chat with her BUT i seriously hate talking while driving. :/

felt lazy to go for ICD lecture, though i've only gone for it once! hahaha.

slacked my butt off till about 12.50, and sent zhiqi (again) to her aunt's place i think.. or was it her grandma's..

headed back to school and had a briefing for the cambodia trip i'm going to in about a month's time!

and one of the girls was kinda cute! and she's japanese!
i'm soooo gonna love this trip.

:D

2007-07-24T07:40:00.000-07:00

hah!

first post.
on a day that i deleted my old one 'cause it stank.
now i gotta keep blogging (again) for my ICD assignment.

so here goes!

day's been pretty normal.
met clare in the morning for awhile, and we were to supposed to share a tiramisu my sis made!
hah.
she's truly not fated to eat it at all!

then i was FORCED to bring my guitar and amp home as ordered by my dad, along with my laptop and bag. crap.

and apparently there was a MEET-THE-MAIN-COMM day thingy today. yeap. don't know what that was about but it ain't concerning me that much. :)